Today I spent eight hours sitting four feet from this pile of gaping maws - faceless CPR dummies frozen mid-scream. (Just now getting around to that pesky Red Cross certification requirement for the Brownie Troop I've led for the past three years. Ooops.)
So I've been seriously dreading today. There is absolutely nothing I hate more than being trapped in a classroom with some pedantic gasbag. But I was kind of delighted when I walked in and was met with this pile of astonishingly horrific faceless dummies. And then I got a booklet with lots of really grotesque photos in it! But the highlight was when we got to pick our guy from the stack; we each hauled over our chosen and made a circle on the floor while the instructor produced a giant metal bowl and said, "Take one each from the face and lung bowl," with the casual indifference only one who uses the phrase "face and lung bowl" daily could have.
Things I learned:
* If you drink one box of pectin dissolved in water or juice each day for six days you will not get poison oak for six months.
* A person will always throw up while having CPR performed on them, even if they don't become conscious. This is not "sometimes" or "often" but always. They don't show that on TV.
* I have an aversion to avulsions.
* Always put a severed part in milk, not on ice.
* Give a hypothermia victim a thermos of hot chocolate with a stick of butter in it.
* Some people need to let everyone in class know about the most intimate details of their medical history.
* I could not work with the public at large.
BONUS - While I was with a pile of the unconsecrated, my son learned to ride a bike! Check out this link for his victory over physics.
Double Bonus - More maws.
1 month ago