Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Are We Our Keywords?

I wonder if there’s a way to psychologically profile someone by the keywords that drive people to their blogs? Just as The Web Bot Project is able to predict trends and provide useful day trading info, do the words that lead people to our site somehow form a picture of who we are?

For the love of god, I hope the answer is NO.

I just looked at the phrases people used to get to my site. Frightening. There’s a whole category that just includes the words “tight pants” from which a sub-category of “camel toe” quickly emerges.

Would the FBI be able to sketch a psychological profile of me based on the following keywords that led to my blog?

three-legged fetish
what happened to darryl hannah's face
ornamental hermits
wound vac
latex ballgag
worst photographer
c'est la vie c'est la guerre
catholic hermits
escher moment
1984 parachute pants
excessive vamping
generic alleve
bat wings grafted onto mice
bottomless pool mexico
blog funeral dirge
funny physical cautions
nacked yungen
freaks of nature
worst essay in the world

Searches JUST about tight pants:
tight pants pain
high school tight pants
stalking secretary tight pants
tight work out pants camel toe
tight trousers and pants cause pain
tight ski pants camel toe
tight pants pain risk
tight pants camel toe

(Anyone else think I should alert the authorities in Joensuu, Finland, where the search “stalking secretary tight pants” originated?)

If we can take anything away from this it's that any post involving "tight pants" and/or "camel toe" is a traffic driver....


AC said...

This was hilarious!

A question: what kind of tracker do you use to find out this info?

Christy Raedeke said...

AC - I'll send you an email link...

Christina Forshay said...


Maybe so often I'll just place a "tight pants" here and a "camel toe" there in my blog posts. But then again, I'm not sure I want those type of people visiting...unless they're art directors with a fetish, I guess.

Miles Inada said...

Wow, that's really weird. I had just written you this poem for Christmas.

I sing the funeral dirge
of bottomless Mexican pools.
My tight trousers
aquanet your camel toe.

Also thanks for the blogue comment. check dis:

Graeme Stone said...

1984 Parachute Pants!
And tight pants!

Ok, so I must be going through some kind of public confession, exhibitionist thing because surely my frenemies will find this, but here goes.
I had to not-so-friendly stalkers in high school named Johnny Smith (yes, really) and Philip Thompson (one "l" or two I'm not sure.) Well they were trying to peg me as gay (to what end, I'm not exactly sure, but it wasn't friendly) but THEY were the ones who wore (get this) matching black and white parachute pants on the same days. Isn't matching-friends-outfits a totally girl thing? Or at least gay?
But I have my revenge. Boy did those pants turn me on. I mean the black is well.. black, it's hot. But the white (Philip's choice) were tight, AND SEE-THROUGH! C'mon guys, you're exploiting yourselves on your dumb gay witchhunt. So that's my confessional for today. Whew!

Suzanne Young said...

Haha! That's how I found you! Camel toe! haha. Well, yours are way more interesting than mine. I got:

Stitches Infection
Picture book on the future

huh. I need to put up more dirty stuff. lol.