This is a photo of a dragonfly lighting on my daughter, Juliet. It happens all the time in the summer—dragonflies land on her hands, her arms, and even her head. Sometimes we have a hard time getting them off. It’s baffling. Come to think of it, whenever we go in butterfly gardens the butterflies land on her too.
What do you attract? I used to attract flashers.
My earliest memory of being flashed was when I was a kid, on a trip to southern California. I looked over and suddenly the passenger in the car nest to us on the freeway was flashing his junk at me. In college I’d be out for a morning run and and pow! a car door would open with a pantsless guy inside. Even in Europe I got the classic trench flash in a park in Provence. I’m not sure if it’s because I have the kind of face that really registers surprise, or if I was just in the wrong place at the wrong time a lot. It became part of my life.
Then one day I was bored at work and had a hankering to sew (now that’s bored!) so I pulled a sick day and headed to Sears to buy a sewing machine. This was right after college and I didn’t have any money but I had a Sears card with a huge limit, so anytime I needed/wanted anything it had to be from Sears. Klassy! So I walk out of the store with my new entry-level Singer and notice that a guy parked in a white BMW was staring at me and grinning like he knew me. I looked in at him and noticed he was wearing a suit jacket and tie but was missing his pants. And undies. That was the last straw for me; I smiled at him, put the machine in my car, and drove around the corner to call the cops.
Cops in Redmond, Washington don’t have much going on, so two cars arrived within seconds. One pulled up to me, the other to Jiggly McBits. Then they made me get in the police car and drive by to identify him, which really freaked me out. I thought reporting a flsaher was like calling about a dog that won’t stop barking or some other public nuisance, but no. Something about there being a preschool in that mall changed the rules about what he was doing. So I had to identify the guy and then later show up in court to testify. Like I had time for this? I was deep into a curtain project!
Anyway, that ended my run of flashers. Not sure if it was a late-eighties fad or if I flipped some magic switch, but I haven’t seen a flasher since. Not that I’m sorry. Any fetish that involves the unsuspecting is totally uncool with me.